having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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