dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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