there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
