hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
