i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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