those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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