omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
