Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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