There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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