I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
