I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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