so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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