I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
