So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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