I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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