i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
