that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I smell stomach acid.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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