If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
