Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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