I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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