singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
