he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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