His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She said her name was "party"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
