Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
