The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
