i jhust puked up my retainher.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize