i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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