im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry my hands just texted you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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