Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
