I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
