I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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