I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
