I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
