the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
