Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You're earring is so big in my mouth
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize