Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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