If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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