My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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