the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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