wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
