Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
