Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
