I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
