Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
