Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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