I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize