i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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