im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
