Quick, to the slutcave!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
