I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
