foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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