i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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