I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
