when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
