Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My life is pants optional.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
