Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
