I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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