so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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