Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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