Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
