Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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