Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
