How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
