so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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