She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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