Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
