I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
