she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize