My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
