Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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