I love black thongs
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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