i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
