Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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