Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
