Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
being pregnant is like rehab
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
