naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
