How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
