At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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