Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize