i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are we still banned from the library?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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