I accidentally burped into my bong.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
