before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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