So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
