Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
