i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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