Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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